The Depression Well where Writing Goes to Die
Depression is hard, but I’ve always bounced back, but this time I’m not. And I think the problem is in an odd spot. I don’t think I believe in God anymore… So that’s a thing. I don’t really think it’s much of an issue to go from religious to agnostic. You can believe that God is in Heaven, and all is right with the world regardless of if you’re gay or eat shellfish. If the religion is ignorant, contradictory, or hates you, then you’re just like “Yeah, I don’t believe in that part.” In fact, being agnostic can be quite freeing. Though when you’re raised with a religion, it’s hard to fully escape. I often just felt like a shitty Muslim that God hated.
Oh, is this the part where we bow down to our God? Sorry, guys, I’m terrible at Islam.
I’ve been transitioning into straight up atheism, and this is a problem for me. There is no God. You have no consequence. There’s no magic in the world. I think the last one has been the hardest for me to accept.
My OC isn’t a unicorn because I’m like “Magic is dumb.” (Image was a gift from Dana Simpson)
Because then everything is just a d20 dice roll of statistics and odds. The magic carpet pulled out between my feet, and there’s nothing cosmic guiding my destiny to some greater importance.
DM: You failed your post-college check so hard your character must move back home with her parents. You will need a 20 to pass your student loans check. (Source)
Which makes me feel like that’s the point of religion. You have to be delusional to accomplish some things. Human accomplishment hinges on delusions of shit working out. Being a writer almost mandates that you expect that somehow you’ll beat the odds. Religion says that if you conform to a paradigm of belief and action, then you’ll be safe and protected. Even if your dreams fail, then you’ll be assured that it’s for some greater good. It’s very vulnerable to be without a sense of destiny, especially when people try to reassure you that things will be okay.
Pictured: An organization based on regularly attempting some of the craziest shit and being responsible for the greatest advances of the human creature. Also pictured an organization whose funding gets cut and cut and cut.
But I do believe in some comforts. I don’t believe that every person is disingenuous. And some people even revere and appreciate honesty more than marketing. I think I’m the latter and earn the respect of those who are also the latter. I think people appreciate effort and respect skill. If I’m adaptive; hardworking; smart; passionate; and compassionate, then people will care. People will help me if God isn’t there. And people are helping me.
Now I just need to do what I already know damn well I can do.
It would help if mach cones would stop forming in my face. (Source)
1 Comment
If one looks at religion from the assumption that there is no higher power than something surprising happens. It turns out that religion still has a vastly positive effect on humanity despite some off periods. In fact the consistency and variety of positive effects it can have is quite magical in and of itself.