How To Do a Kickstarter: Sharif Acts Like Donald Draper on an E-Mail (Public Relations)

Posted by Sharif S on Jun 20, 2013 in Blog Ends | 2 comments

Just after posting about e-mails, I got an e-mail from a project I donated to.  Now I’ve kinda recontextualized it from what it really was to being about a graphic novel called “Cupcakes: Rainbow Dash’s Revenge.”  You know, to protect the innocent and such.  This is not the actual letter, this is a tribute but it maintains the same attributes.

This e-mail was pretty well thought out from a business angle and followed many of the tips from How To Do a Kickstarter: E-mails.  It gives the donors an update, it rallies the troops in the final hours of the campaign, and it even pushes for people to follow them on Facebook.  If the timing was different I’d swear they had read my blog on e-mails.

However, they violated one of the don’ts I wrote about in that blog: “Most importantly, don’t make it all about yourself or your project.”

Now I know what some of you are thinking: “But if I’m e-mailing them, then they already donated.  So what does it matter how I word the letter?”  Well, because odds are this isn’t going to be your one and only Kickstarter.  If you go back to the same well, you shouldn’t poison the waters.

Hey friends and family,

“Friends and family”?  Isn’t this a bit assumptive?  What if I’m someone who doesn’t know you who stumbled upon your campaign on Twitter?  Now if feel marginalized and excluded.  This also makes you look small time.  Unprofessional.  Also people get really offended by the use of the word “Hey.”  I know it’s stupid, but so is why most people get offended about most things.

Hello friends of Cupcakes: Rainbow Dash’s Revenge,

That says all the things we want it to say without any of the things we don’t want it to say.  It doesn’t say that we’re being bankrolled by our friends and family, and it includes everyone who has donated into a kind of club.  I am a friend of this graphic novel.  I belong.  I feel special.

We’re happy to announce we’ve surpassed our fundraising goal for my graphic novel “Cupcakes: Rainbow Dash’s Revenge,” and I want to THANK ALL THOSE who’ve supported us either through donations and/or spreading the word. From the bottom of my heart, it means a lot to me!!

What I’ve done here is put all the words in bold which the Kickstarter is talking about himself and underlined the words in which the Kickstarter talks about the donors.  Somehow we’ve made this all about ourselves and not about the people who made it happen for us.

Also this says “I want to THANK ALL THOSE…” except it doesn’t actually do it.  The sentence literally just expresses a desire to thank, but doesn’t say “thank you.”  Even the thanks is egocentric.  It’s about what “I want” not about the donor.

By saying “thank all those” it emphasizes how this is a mass e-mail.  When has a mass e-mail ever made anyone feel special?  Imagine I invited the entire office for drinks.  Now imagine I invited you for drinks.  Which one makes you feel important to me?  Let’s try:

Thanks to you and your donation the dream of “Cupcakes: Rainbow Dash’s Revenge” is becoming a reality.  Your generosity has turned an idea into ink on paper.  Whether by giving money and/or by spreading the word, you’ve not only helped create jobs for artists and writers but you’ve also helped spread a story which will captivate and inspire those who read it.  I thank you from the bottom of my heart, because without you none of this would be real.

While “captivate” and “inspire” might not be the best words for “Cupcakes: Rainbow Dash’s Revenge,” all of this is entirely true.  The difference is that I gave the donors a very real sense of importance, instead of focusing on myself.

In my version there are as many bold sections as the “original” version had in the FIRST SENTENCE.  Also note how the diction creates a feel of passion and a feel of sincerity in my version.  Note the feeling of engagement of the unspecified “you.”  This is a mass e-mail, but that doesn’t mean it has to act like one.

We have a great editor, penciler, inker, colorist, and cover artist working their magic, and we anticipate the comic will be done in late July. We’ll be having release parties in August (dates tba), and shipping copies shortly after.

There’s really nothing wrong with this.  It gives the donors a proper update.  It might have been a good chance to do some publicity for the people you’ve hired by giving their names.  That would be good for morale to show your team that you support them and make them feel more like this is their project as well.

We have a great story editor (Channing Sargent), penciler & inker (Andy Price), colorist (Tracy McCusker), and cover artist (Tony Fleecs) working their magic, and we anticipate the comic will be done in late July. We’ll be having release parties in August (dates tba), and shipping copies shortly after.

Now, I mixed up My Little Pony comic artists with people I know in real life who can do the same jobs (Can you figure out which ones are which?).  I did this for 3 different reasons:

1. A professional’s reputation is your gain.  When you’re working with professionals it makes your work look like a bigger deal, which makes your donors feel their money is being well used and that they are a part of something with real potential.
2. People starting out appreciate and need your support.  People starting out are willing to work with you for less pay if it means each time they work with you, they will get more exposure and jobs.  People will also do a better job for you if they feel you show support for them.  It’s basic kindergarten, but people need reminders.
3. I practice this myself.  Channing is my Co-Editor in Chief at the Southern California Review, and Tracy is my web designer and all-around partner in creative crime.

Our Kickstarter campaign ends in less than 24 hours, so it’s not too late to contribute if you’d like an invitation to our release signing/party or buy a copy of the comic. Any extra funding will help us through printing, and to fulfill the shipment of all our donor perks.

Now going back to the well is a good idea for business.  But piggy-backed off of a shitty thank you, this is very rude.  It’s saying that not only did we not appreciate the money you gave us, but we want more.  It’s also saying that I didn’t make the informed decision I wanted to when I first made my first purchase.

Tomorrow our Kickstarter campaign is coming to an end.  Even though we’ve surpassed our goal, we’ve come across unexpected expenses which threaten the completion of our project, including distribution and printing costs.  Thanks to your help we managed to get this project into existence, but whether this takes off with a bang or a whimper depends on whether we can get extra support.  There is still time if you want to upgrade your perks.  You’ve given us so much, and it’s embarrassing to ask for more.  If you can, let’s rally our friends, our twitter followers, our blog readers!  When we meet this challenge and you see Cupcakes: Rainbow Dash’s Revenge on the shelves of your comic shop in California, Wisconsin, New York, Florida, etc.  You can look at it and say, “That’s there because of me.”

Honest, positive, uplifting, empowering!  Those are words I would not use to describe the original.  This is good writing mixing with good public relations and marketing.  Isn’t it amazing; I’m not making money on this, but using these tips I create a real sense of appreciation, energy, and engagement.  Yet, the person who made this original Kickstarter got over $10,000 but by not applying these tips came off as disingenuous.

Next off I want to readdress THIS:

Any extra funding will help us through printing, and to fulfill the shipment of all our donor perks.

I didn’t say anything in the Perks section, I didn’t think I had to.  When determining how much money you need, actually calculate the costs of:

1. The percentage of how much Kickstarter will take from your income
2. Costs of shipping
3. Costs of materials to make the product

You can only spend the profits on your project.  If it’s not enough money, watch this video.

 

Penultimate part of this e-mail.

Like us and check out our behind the scenes picture and exclusive sketch drawings on our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/mlpwritingismagic

“Like us” and “Follow us” is so cliche and audiences are so bombarded with these phrases that we tune them out.  Why are you commanding me?  Wait but shouldn’t we end our e-mails with a call to action?
Yes, but what good is a call to action that gets tuned out?  Let’s look at mine.

You can keep track of our progress and get behind the scenes exclusive pictures on our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/mlpwritingismagic

I didn’t make the reader stop paying attention by starting off with Facebook.  I started off by saying what the donor could get out of liking our Facebook page.  I also never tell them what to do.  Make it their idea whether they follow or not.  Also simply by using different wording, I make the phrase no longer a cliche.  The language is fresh again, and people pay attention.

All best,
Iambic Hexameter (Sharif’s OC)
Sharif’s OC Productions
Phone: (555)555-5555
Email: mlpwritingismagic [at] gmail.com
Website: mlpwritingismagic.com

It’s a great idea to put your information in case someone is impressed with your work and wants to hire you.  This is why everything before this is so important.  People don’t want to work with someone who is obsessed with themselves; they want to work with someone who makes them feel special.

Which is why I don’t expect the creator of this Kickstarter to reach out to me and go “Hey, Sharif, you were right.  Would you like a consultant job on our next crowd fundraising.”  Instead I’m expecting, “You know fuck you!  How could you write that?”  Which is dumb because the former reaction is way more profitable than the latter.

More:
How To Do a Kickstarter: Sharif Acts Like Don Draper on an E-Mail (Public Relations)
How To Do a Kickstarter: Perks
How To Do a Kickstarter: E-Mails
How To Do a Kickstarter (Short Version)

Recommended reading:
How to Win Friends and Influence People (do yourself a favor and avoid the digital age version)